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  • Writer's pictureBlear Moon

Entry #0001 / Life of an exiles

Feeling quite depressed but motivated. Strange combination.. I know. Escitalopram and Ritalin do the job but it still waving up and down...

Just when I wrote this, the electricity went down in the whole neighbourhood, luckily it wasn't for long. But it very much illustrates the state I am in at the moment: as soon as I gather little power to do anything at all, an unexpected obstacle immediately appears in front of me. At least that is how I feel.

Anyway, this is a first entry on my brand new webpage that I was wanted to make for quite some time now since I get more and more sick with social media and feeling like afford I put in posting there is resulted in nothing at the end. I feel it is exactly the right time to return back to the basics, 2000's style. Maybe in this way it will make it somewhat extant and not something that will flicks by the scroll of the bored and mindless finger scroll.

Right now I am living in Fethiye of Turkey. Never thought I will even visit this country, but here I am trying to feel optimistic and continue on. Gonna be married in two weeks from now. Something I am looking forward. Engaging was not romantic at all. When we got divided for five long months we was feeling so stupid that we haven't done it before. Well now we will have an official paper. At least in some critical situation it might help. I hope that there will not be any kind of critical satiation, but better be safe. We learned our lesson. Another cheering thing I am looking forward to is a visit of my mother that will fly here next day after our signing in Istanbul. That is truly something special for me since we haven't saw each other in person for a year and a half. She never been abroad before and I believe that this is going to be an entirely new chapter in her life. For us, though, current chapter is quite dark. Especially for Anna. As a half Ukrainian half Belarusian jew with Russian citizenship she living through it with great sorrow. Being so engage in russian culture and language, as a writer and observer who considered Moscow her rooted home, a place where she born, current situation must be a terrible painful. She can not return there. Being in her home city is now extremely dangerous for her life. The third time police was looking for her for the texts she posted, they went trough neighbor apartments telling that she is under criminal prosecution. Couple weeks after that, when we were already in safe inIstanbul, her friend got sentenced 2 years of high-secure prison for the "no war" sticker on the bumper of his car. Since than there is no illusion anymore - there is no way back. We are living the lives of an exiles now.

Vlas Presnetsov and Anna Repman (Fethiye, Turkey, September 2022)

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